Another year older, wiser and grateful

 

This chapter is not what I would have chosen for myself. I felt like everything was out of my control, which in fairness  some of it probably still is. Throughout this year I have consistently felt disappointed in myself and that I haven’t achieved what I set out to do and I wasted an entire year of my life, that I can never get back. Worst of all I felt like a by stander in my own life, as I watch the world go by from my window.

The last  few weeks I was thinking of everything I wanted to achieve  and haven’t. I was talking to a friend who told me my problem is that, I am way too hard on myself, I don’t see all that I have done. This conversation forced me too look back at where I came from, where this chapter started. Roughly a year ago I was so ill that I wasn't sure I would see another birthday, I couldn’t work, or make it up the stairs without taking a few breaks along the way, non of my clothes fit due to the weight gain I experienced from the medication I was taking, I was the heaviest I had ever been and to boot I suffered an unfortunate side effect called Moon face and that is pretty much where the tissue in your face retains water making it round hence the name Moon face, lets just say I didn’t look my best to put it mildly. On top of that I wasn’t working and back living with my mum whilst I recovered. By the time  the new year had arrived, I was sure that 2020 couldn’t be any worse than 2019 but we were all in for a shocker.

I fast forward to now, this last year has been hell on Earth, the isolation and loneliness have been my biggest challenge, and will be my biggest challenge if the pandemic continues the way it is. My self confidence took a hit, as I hit speed bump after speed bump. But through it I learnt so much about myself, my family, my friends and people in general. In the depths of despair in the last  year I went from being the biggest I have ever been to being the fittest I have ever been shedding 14 kilograms. I have pushed myself to use my time to reach out to people I haven’t spoken to in years, pushed myself to up my cooking game, and I haven’t eaten out once including take aways in the last 7 months. I learnt to create my own fun, I learnt to look after myself and listen to my body. I have picked myself over and over, even when I felt like giving up.

I can look back now and see I am stronger and more resilient than I thought I was. I look back and can see this year has changed me forever, it well and truly kicked me out of my comfort zone, it taught me nothing in life is guaranteed and to recheck my priorities. It has given me a new found confidence, where I am unapologetic for who and what I am. But most of all I have started to appreciate myself and what my body can do. I can look in the mirror and think you aren’t so bad Ru. But most importantly this year I found my voice and I couldn't be more grateful. Grateful for the gift of another year, for all that I have, all that I have achieved and oh so grateful for my family and friends.

Happy new chapter to me, lets see what this one brings.